i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
