He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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