So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize