Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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