I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
