I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
