We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You are the jesus of drinking
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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