you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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