Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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