every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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