Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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