Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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