thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
