my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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