In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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