I wish I could punch you in the face.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
