I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
