Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
