every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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