I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
