There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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