whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
