At least make sure they are 18
Why
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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