He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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