So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
