hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
