dude i'm inner monologue high
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
