don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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