How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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