matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
