I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
