This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize