Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize