if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize