I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
