meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
