i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize