Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
