rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
