Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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