I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
