Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
