1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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