I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
