I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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