How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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