i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
