I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found the puke drawer
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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