so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
