i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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