Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
