The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
