god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
