Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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