my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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