they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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