He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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