guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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