so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So many bounce houses so little time
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
