Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
