Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
