Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
