His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
