Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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