whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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