We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need water and some morals
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
