Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize