when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
