Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
