i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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