Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
