Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
