she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
