I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
tell me about the fingering
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
